“Dear lord, please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over the internet”

To a non-developer, the word of coding and testing is a total mystery. From the hilarious to the outright insulting, we sat down with our devs and testers at NCFE to ask them about the worst things they’re frequently asked when people find out what their job is…

  1. “You’re good with computers right? My son’s laptop won’t turn on, can you take a look?”

We will turn it off and turn it on again and tell you we’ve fixed it. Every. Single. Time.

  1. “So, you’re single right?”

Erm, rude.

  1. “Could you build this website for me?”

“Yeah sure!”

“I need it tomorrow….and I can’t pay you”


Sure. I don’t need to eat or pay my rent.

  1. “Why isn’t the printer working?”

In my professional opinion, probably poltergeists.

  1. “Could you show me how to play World of Warcraft? I bet you’re really good”

Computer says no.

  1. Hypothetically could you hack my ex’s Facebook account?”

100% no and I think you need therapy.

  1. Watching a scene with a hacker clearly writing garbled rubbish in some fake IDE [Friend says]: I’d love to code like that.

This is not going to end well for you.

  1. “How can you be tired? All you do is sit at a desk all day”


  1. “Why does this code not work?”

The answer is almost always, I have no idea why. Coincidentally we probably can’t tell you why it works either.

Got one to add? Tweet us using @NCFE #doyouspeakourlanguage

How does a competitive salary, flexible working hours, dedication to personal development and a great culture sound, on top of working across both front and back end solutions?

If you’re a full stack software developer with working experience in C# and .Net based applications looking for a new challenge, send over your CV to our recruitment team on [email protected]

Josh Dixon
Josh Dixon
Paul Turner
Paul Turner
As the final piece of the Department for Education (DfE) ministerial team drops into place let’s take a look at the shape of the new team and where it might lead us.